


Make My Death Mean Something

by AllHallowsEve



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Consensual Underage Sex, Emotions, Episode: s08e08 How It's Gotta Be, Episode: s08e09 Honor, First Time, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Frottage, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Manipulation, Minor Character Death, Virgin Carl, just a little info from ep 9 not a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-24 22:12:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13820493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllHallowsEve/pseuds/AllHallowsEve
Summary: Carl is a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.  He wants his death to mean something.  Negan has no idea the reason behind Carl's attempt at being a sacrificial lamb to save his people.  And when he finds out, things go differently than either of them expected.





	1. The Little Asshole Will be the Death of Him

**Author's Note:**

> This is not related to my previous Carl/Negan work "Things Can Change..." But it is the one I had hinted about in the comments of that one.
> 
> I loved this episode and especially the Carl/Negan interaction at the gate. I hated the heart breaking reveal at the end. I was so angry over it I decided to write a fix-it. 
> 
> This is barely underage because if I am right about Carl's age at the time he is almost 18 or may be 18 by now, at least Chandler Riggs is already. But I still wanted to use the tags so as to not catch anyone unawares.
> 
> As always this is unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own. Please feel free to point them out so I can fix them and make it better for everyone.

Negan’s heart leapt upon seeing Carl standing at the top of the gate to Alexandria.  He hadn’t seen the boy in weeks and he had been breathing easier for it.  He had been taken by the boy’s bravery from the first time he laid eyes on him but when Carl had tried to kill him on the steps of Negan’s own Sanctuary, he couldn’t remember the last time his dick had been that hard.  Spending time with him, getting to know him, even though it was entirely under the ruse of needing to punish the kid for the attempt on his life, had only stoked the unwanted desire that Carl brought to every cell in his body. 

By dropping him back at his daddy’s door he thought he could put the wretched want for the little bastard behind him. But there was something about the kid that Negan just couldn’t shake.  It was apparent at the way his body reacted to seeing the kid standing there defiantly in the face of a horde of Saviors with grenade launchers aimed at him, that the time away had not rid him of the illicit desire.

As he listened to the kid speak of making things right between their camps, as Carl pled for the lives of his people, Negan was moved.  But when Carl begged for him to be the one to die in punishment, it stole Negan’s breath.  He would sooner cut off his own hand than kill the kid. 

“Was this who you wanted to be?”  Carl’s words were spoken quietly with a strength unmatched and unexpected from anyone of his young age.  They reverberated in Negan’s chest.

But a moment later, at the betrayal of what Carl’s disappearance meant, raw emotions flooded through Negan.  He was furious. He had honestly been moved by Carl’s plea.  Not that it would have done his people any good but it felt like there was a deep connection between the two of them again as there had been back in the Sanctuary when they were alone.  His feelings turned to bitter anger and resignation that Carl had only been a distraction while his people got away.  This couldn’t stand.

 “Find that little asshole!”  Negan’s fury spewed out at his people along with a string of profanities regarding Carl and his heritage.

On one hand Negan was in awe of how Carl never ceased to amaze him.  The kid had more cohunes than most of his Saviors.  On the other hand, the people of Alexandria and the other clans could not go unpunished.  Carl’s bravado turned Negan’s crank, that was for sure, but this mutiny and insubordination was going to stop, tonight, no matter the cost and Carl could play a big role in that.  The Saviors just had to get their hands on the fucker.

He put the swagger back into his voice when he stated adamantly, “I know I don’t have to tell you all that he is not to be killed.”

Negan knew if he could get Carl under his tutelage while there was still time, he could mold Carl into an amazing right hand.  He had to get him out from under Rick’s sway.  Bringing him back to Alexandria had been a mistake.  As much as it warmed the cockles of his heart to show Rick that his kid had come to the Sanctuary to do what Rick was too big of a pussy to do at the time, in hindsight it would have been better to keep Carl where he could be by his side.  Surely he could handle his desire.  Keep it in check, even with the boy being near.  He was Negan after all.  There were rules.

Negan wasn’t used to doubting himself or looking at previous decisions and questioning the outcome.  But that was Carl for ya.  Carl was the most interesting young man Negan had ever encountered and he liked him.  Probably too much if he was being honest.  The speech the young man had given had moved Negan, not just his body, but his emotions.  That, not merely his physical desire, was the real danger.

He swallowed hard and got his head on straight.  Rick was his primary target here tonight.  He would deal with Carl when his guys found him.

He told his people to bring Carl to Rick’s house when they found him.  He made his way there to prepare a proper homecoming for Rick.

Rick showed up unexpectedly before Negan had the chance to really fix the place up the way he wanted.  But he didn’t mind giving him an ass whooping. Unfortunately Rick was wilier than the last time they had been this close and the bastard got away after their knock down drag out.  That was just another problem that would have to be rectified before the night was over.

Negan’s anger built and chewed at the middle of his back right between his shoulder blades.  He needed to get out and do some damage.  He swung Lucille onto his shoulder and left out into the night to enjoy the chaos his Saviors were wreaking to the town Rick called home.

He sauntered his way through several streets, taking in the carnage around him.  He saw no hide nor hair of any of the Alexandrians.  He had to give it to the kid, his plan to distract Negan and get his people to safety worked like a charm, at least temporarily.  But the Saviors would find then, and then there would be a harsher hell to pay.

As he took in the beautiful destruction and rapid explosions all around him, he saw a dark figure a few houses in front of him skulking through the shadows.  Were his eyes playing tricks on him or was that the outline of the ridiculous hat Carl always wore?

He looked around the streets and houses but most of this area was already on fire and filled with smoke.  He realized that as Carl was making his way along he was throwing smoke bombs to hide his progress.  Smart, but luck was on Negan’s side.  None of his people were close.  He could hear them calling orders to each other in the distance but the only movement in the vicinity was him and the kid.

He took to the shadows, pulling closer to his target.  The kid was good at hiding, and looking around to watch his back, but Negan was better.  He didn’t get to the top of the food chain without having skills that he could put into use when he wanted.

His strides were longer than the kid’s and he didn’t have to be as quiet and careful as Carl so he was making headway.  Before Carl knew what hit him Negan’s arm wrapped around his chest from behind and pulled him back against him.  Carl made a small yelp of surprise.

“Well well, what do we have here?” Negan purred against Carl’s ear.

Carl jerked and tried to get away.  Quick as a flash Negan pulled the blade out of Carl’s belt and held it up to his throat. 

“Now now, none of that.”  Negan’s voice was low and had a threatening growl to the simple words.

As Carl moved and squirmed against him, Negan’s desire grew and he had to pull his hips back and away from the boy so as to not give anything away.  He had to focus hard to fight the distraction the boy’s body caused being this close.

“Carl stop.”  Negan pressed the sharp edge against the young man’s throat slightly more, enough that he knew there would be a line of blood from just the right amount of pressure.

Carl’s mind was a flurry of thoughts.  He had planned a contingency if he were caught.  It looked like he would be trying to finish what Sasha had started after all.  He had meant what he said to Negan earlier.  He didn’t want to die.  But the bite in his side made that inevitable.  At least if he was close to Negan when it happened, maybe there would be a purpose to his death after all.

Or maybe he could convince Negan to punish him and allow his death to pay the price for Alexandria, just like he had offered.  Either end was better than just dying for nothing, for the stupidity of letting a walker get him after all this time.  He wasn’t sorry he had helped Siddiq.  He was sorry that his death would hurt his father and everyone close to him.  But if he could make it a good death, a worthwhile death, then that would make him happy.

He didn’t count on Negan finding him personally however.  He didn’t count on the desire that flooded his body with the man holding Carl’s back against Negan’s chest the way he was.  He didn’t count on the way the man’s obvious strength shown through the grip he held with just his arm.  It felt like a vice.  Even the blade against his throat brought about a thrill in his blood the way violence never should.

The attraction for the monster was unacceptable.  He had done everything he could to build the hate for him that had filled his heart since he watched him kill Abraham and Glen.  Yet when he had tried to kill him at the Sanctuary, unsuccessfully, his body and heart had betrayed him.  While spending time with Negan, constantly under threat of punishment for trying to kill him in the first place, he found himself inexplicably attracted to him.  More than to anyone he had ever been around.  His body and mind were drawn to the horrendous excuse for a person and he couldn’t seem to shake it.  He had swallowed it down and tried to forget it every day since it had first happened, but nothing worked. 

He woke up nearly every morning with a hard on and thoughts of Negan touching him or just talking to him making it happen every night.  Some nights the desire was so intense that he didn’t have to touch himself, he just came from the dreams.  Maybe it was good that he was dying, if that was the kind of person he was drawn to.  What did that say about the kind of person Carl was becoming himself if that was the case?

His body was thrumming against Negan.  As he tried to pull away, Negan’s grip on him became more firm and the knife against his throat bit into his skin.  He realized in horror that his body was once again betraying him by getting hard from the smell and feel of Negan so close.

The fight went out of Carl and he went limp against Negan.

Neither was sure who was the most surprised by that.   Both were breathing hard and both misunderstood why that was the case for the other. 

“Young man you have a lot to answer for so you’ll be coming with me.” 

In a last ditch play Carl dipped his chin and bit Negan as hard as he could muster where his skin was visible on his wrist, from his leather jacket riding up in the struggle to hold him in place.

“Son of a Bitch!”  Negan cursed in anger.

He turned Carl around with a harsh jerk and hit him hard across the face with his open palm.

Carl took a step back stunned and tripped over a loosened brick and went down hard on his ass.  His hat fell off from the impact.

“Kid you are sorely trying my patience.”  Negan huffed.

Carl stared up at him out from under his bangs, with his good eye, waiting for what came next. 

Negan stored the knife in his own belt.  Carl could see Lucille on the ground next to Negan’s foot.  Even lying prone she was menacing.  Carl gave a fleeting thought to making a lunge but he knew he was too far away and wouldn’t get to the bat in time. Better to just bide his time and let the nature of the bite on his side take its course.  It had been burning and itching for a while now.  He had forgotten it momentarily in the struggle, but it was beginning to throb and it felt like there was ooze newly seeping out, if the warm trickle he felt down his side was any indication.  It probably wouldn’t be long now before things progressed so he should stay as close to Negan as possible. 

His body gave an involuntary shudder about that, which had nothing to do with his plans to make himself a suicide walker and much more to do with the fact that staying close would not let him forget his desire for the wretch of a man.

Negan was moving towards him, his long lanky body manifesting grace in spite of the anger that was palpably thrumming from him.

“What am I going to do with you Carl?”

He loomed large over the boy, his silhouette outlined by fire and destruction.  He began removing his belt from around his waist.  The action caused Carl to swallow hard.  His brain went immediately to the act of Negan undressing, which led to a tightening of Carl’s jeans around the bulge he was sure the eagle eyes of his nemesis would notice.

“Stand up.”  His tone and the threat of his body brooked no argument.

Carl was confused as to why Negan had left Lucille lying on the ground.  He was confused about what was about to happen.  He wasn’t sure if he was scared or excited.  He tried to swallow around his suddenly dry throat.  He tried to follow the order but his entire body had begun to shake.  He didn’t know if it was fear, or the illness progressing, or excitement, or a combination of all three but he felt his body was betraying him.

Negan reached down and took hold of Carl’s left arm, jerking him up unceremoniously.  He shoved him around and pulled Carl’s hands behind his back.  He began tying Carl’s hands together with the belt and when it was done before he could stop himself he ran his hands gently up both of Carl’s arms in a caress.

He stopped himself with his hands on both sides of the boy’s collar bones, holding him in place with the slightest of pressure.

He leaned down and rubbed his own scruffed cheek against the smooth skin of the side of Carl’s face, from behind, pulling his hair back with the motion until his mouth reached his ear.  He whispered ominously, “You are coming home with me to do your penance.”

Carl’s entire body shook.  He stopped trying to figure out whether it was the bite or his desire and just let it happen. 

Negan reached down behind him and grabbed Carl’s hat, and then Lucille, notching her against his shoulder where she belonged, keeping his other hand on the belt tight against Carl’s wrists, using it as a handle by which to drive his prey forward.  He began to whistle happily as he pushed Carl ahead of him. 

Carl moved where Negan directed until they were back with the majority of the Saviors that were gathered again at the front gate.

“So who has Rick for me?”  Negan asked.

Silence was his answer.  His mood darkened.  “You mean to tell me that in the busted up state I left that bastard in, the entire group of you yahoos couldn’t round him up?”

“I’m disappointed to say the least.”  He looked around his group, his brows furrowed in frustration.

“Well we might not have the Grimes man that we came here for, but we have the one he will come for.”  He gave a throaty chuckle as he gave Carl’s form a shake by the arm.

“Ain’t that right ya little bastard?”

Carl stood quietly.  Head down, letting his bangs fall in front of his face. He wasn’t feeling well at all now but he didn’t want to give the game away.  He couldn’t risk letting Negan know he had been bitten.  He would most likely kill Carl immediately and that would not be a winning play for their side.  He had to hide it until he turned.

“Not so mouthy now that you are all trussed up?”  Negan chuckled.

Negan hand picked a smaller group and told them to stay behind and continue to scour the grounds and make sure they didn’t come back till they found Rick.

“The kid and I have an appointment to discuss the whereabouts of all his fellow Alexandrians.”  He slung his arm around Carl’s shoulder and walked him to the awaiting vehicles.

Carl couldn’t stop the shaking his body was going through now.  He was pretty sure it wasn’t nerves anymore.  He actually relaxed against Negan and allowed the man to take some of his weight.  To Carl’s great surprise, the man in question didn’t seem to mind, his arm just tightened around his shoulder.  That made Carl swallow hard again.

Carl ventured a glance up at Negan and he was looking down at him as they walked.  They were out ahead of the rest of the group that seemed to be headed to the vehicles to return to the Sanctuary.

“It’s okay kid.  I know you’re scared.  You don’t have to be brave all the time.  I can’t believe the balls on you.  You really had me tricked at the gate.  I thought you were trying to connect with me and honestly wanted to sacrifice your life for your people.”  His voice was low, only for Carl to hear, almost conspiratorially. 

“Pretty cold to trick me that way just as a ruse to get your people clear.  Did you come up with that plan all by yourself?”  There was the sound of awe hidden underneath the playful tone Negan was using, but also the sharp quality of a threat as well.

Carl dropped his gaze and blushed.  When Negan acted like Carl was his equal, even when he was threatening him, it churned things low in his stomach.  But this question made it clear that Negan was wanting him to feel childish, which seemed a spiteful way to hit Carl where it would count.  It hurt Carl more than he wanted to admit. 

He squared his shoulders but didn’t try to pull away.  Truth be told he was feeling pretty weak and wasn’t sure he could make the distance if left on his own.

“It was my plan, and it worked.  Fooled you long enough for everyone to get away.” He said spitefully, wanting to exude pride, but not sure he accomplished it.

“Not before I was able to knock the tar out of your daddy though.”  Negan growled.

“Sounds to me like he got away from you alright.” Carl spit back.

“Son, you are on thin ice.” Negan’s hand on his shoulder squeezed hard enough to make Carl catch his breath from the pain.

“It wasn’t a lie.”  Carl’s tone made Negan think of confessional whispers.

They had reached the truck out ahead of everyone else.  Negan propped Carl against the truck as he opened the door for both of them.  It was only then that Carl realized Negan had his hat hooked on the end of Lucille.

“What wasn’t?”  Negan was watching him closely now.

The boy was beautiful in the flickering orange and yellow light from the fires burning his home down.  The night left bits and parts of him in shadow making his features seem more frail somehow, more pale and vulnerable.  The way Carl was watching him made his heart cinch.  He didn’t know what he was going to do with this kid but he would be lucky if Carl didn’t turn out to be the death of him.

“I wasn’t lying to you when I was talking to you at the gate.”  Carl said quietly.

“The hell you weren’t, it was all just a distraction.” Negan humpfed in renewed anger from the betrayal.  Not of Carl, but of his own emotions that let his guard down because of the little fucker.

“No… I mean yes, it was supposed to distract you, but none of it was a lie.”  Carl managed to get out before Negan manhandled him up into the truck.  He barked out some orders to the people getting closer to the truck and their errands left the two of them alone in the truck but Carl wasn’t sure how long that would last.

“I meant every word I said at the gate.  If you want a sacrifice, if that will make you go easier on my people, I will gladly be it.  I do want this to be some kind of peaceful solution.  I don’t know if there’s a way to make that happen, but if there is, that’s what I want.  I don’t want a constant war.”

“Your daddy wants my head on a platter.” The gruff statement was softened by a grin of relish at the ass whooping he would give him again when Rick inevitably tried.

Carl nodded in agreement to what the man stated as fact.  Negan plopped the hat back on Carl’s head, without a word about it, making Carl’s eye go wide in surprise at the return.  He had assumed Negan would keep it out of spite.

“And not too long ago you came busting into my Sanctuary cutting down my men trying to get to me to kill me yourself, ya ballsy asshole.”

“You’re right.  But I see now that this war could go on indefinitely until all our groups are dead.  I don’t want that.  I don’t think that works for you either.  I don’t know how to solve this so that we can all live in peace but there has to be a way without the peace coming only when we’re all dead.”  The outburst exhausted Carl. 

He slumped back against the seat which put him shoulder to shoulder with Negan.  It was all he could do not to lean on the man, on his captor.  He had to remember to think of him that way, not the man he wanted something else from.  He couldn’t believe, even as his body was dying slowly, it wanted the man next to him, wanted to touch him and be touched by him.  He couldn’t believe his mind was going there in the middle of all this.

Negan took a hard look at Carl.  His color was off.  The kid looked like he hadn’t slept in days.  “What’s wrong with you, kid?” 

Carl panicked.  He couldn’t let him know.  “I haven’t been sleeping thanks to the war you are in with my dad.  You took most of our food and I am starving, haven’t really eaten in two days.”  He tried to sound as bitter and frustrated as he would be if he weren’t so scared and confused.  “You expect me to be in fine shape after all this?”

“Don’t worry kid, we don’t have the best rations anymore thanks to what your dad’s band of mutineers has been up to, but we have enough to fill your belly and you can rest easy tonight knowing you’ll be safe with me.”  Negan finished it off with a wolfish grin.

Carl scoffed at that.  He rested his head back against the seat as one of the Saviors got in behind the wheel to drive them away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I began this story immediately after Episode 8 aired. I was livid with the way Scott Gimple treated Chandler Riggs and completely ruined the many and varied Carl-Negan wonderful future interactions that were coming from the graphic novels. So I had this story all planned out in my head with where I ultimately wanted it to go as a fix it for my anger.
> 
> (Mild spoilers for Season 8 Episode 9 so beware if you haven't watched it.)
> 
> The way they showed Carl handling everything with such strength and grace completely threw where this was going into a spin and I am not really sure how I am going to finish it. I had an idea about exactly how I was going to finish this story, but then his beautiful death went and threw me for a loop. On one hand I want to honor that strength he showed, but I still hate what happened and need to resolve it. So hopefully by the end of this story it is still a fix it but if not, I apologize in advance and will change the tags accordingly.
> 
> I will also be changing the tags for future chapters because it has loads that will earn the explicit rating, so when I get there I will add specifics to the tags.
> 
> I already have a huge portion of the smut written, I am just trying to work out the ending so not sure how many chapters are coming yet but at least one more that is very smutty.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy and as always I look forward to any comments you guys might throw my direction.


	2. From Bad to Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Negan's night isn't going as planned. As things progress it gets worse and worse for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the story is now finished, I am just putting the final edits on the last bit. It ended up being three chapters instead of two, to my surprise. I hope you aren't too disappointed that the smut doesn't come yet in this chapter either. As I was writing it I decided to put a little bit of Episode 9 info in here so beware of minor spoilers if you haven't caught up with that episode.
> 
> As always this chapter is unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own. Please point any out to me so that I can make this better for everyone.

He must have fallen asleep from the rocking of the truck and the warmth of Negan’s body along his entire right side where they were touching.  Because the next thing Carl heard was “Rise and shine sleeping beauty.”

The door of the truck was suddenly open and Negan was pulling Carl unceremoniously out to land beside him, but his legs would no longer hold him upright.

He began to fall but Negan’s strong arm was there to catch him around the waist.  Carl’s vision was fading and he wasn’t sure what was happening but he felt incredibly hot and freezing cold all at the same time.  His body began shaking uncontrollably and he passed out.

Negan felt the boy’s body shivering against him, to the point he could barely hold him up with just one hand.

“Take Lucille.”  He ordered the Savior that had been driving them, that was currently standing by his side.  He cut a look at the man and let him know he meant business “No harm is to come to her.” 

The man nodded emphatically.

In one smooth motion Negan picked Carl up in a princess carry and shouted, “Someone get the doc out here.”

A female Savior was standing guard by the door of their temporary safe haven, that they had moved everyone to, in order to stage preparations for taking over the Kingdom, while the Sanctuary was rebuilt.  She came running his direction upon hearing his last order.  “The doctor is missing along with the priest from Alexandria.”  Fear was plain in her voice at having to be the one to deliver the news.

“What the fuck are you telling me?”  Negan shouted in a rage.

“I don’t know how it happened but they were both suddenly gone.  The guy guarding the door was taken ill and when he recovered they were both missing.”

“Heads are gonna roll people!”  Panic was beginning to climb up Negan’s spine.  He didn’t know what was wrong with Carl.  Now that he was really paying attention, the boy seemed clammy and pale like Gabriel did after their gut covered excursion through the horde of walkers.

Panic and fear weren’t emotions Negan was accustomed to feeling.  He pushed his way past the two Saviors that were crowding him now and made his way hastily to his own room in the new facility.

He began barking orders for people to bring any meds that had been used for Gabriel and any antivirals, anti-inflammatories, along with antibiotics and something to get a fever down as well. 

“Hell just bring everything we have!”  He growled.

He also ordered a search for anyone who had helped the doctor or had rotations in the infirmary at any time in the past to come help.

Negan put Carl down gently on his bed, releasing his hands out from behind him.  He removed the gun and holster from where it was attached low on Carl’s left thigh. He doubted in Carl’s present condition he would have enough energy to use it, but Negan had made enough mistakes because of this asshole for one night.  If he hadn’t been trying so hard to control his hard-on earlier he would have taken the gun when he tied his hands, but somehow his attraction to the kid kept causing his brain to malfunction and do things in risky ways. He hurried to the bathroom at the back of the room to get a cold rag to mop Carl’s head.  He looked at himself in the mirror and stopped in his tracks.  His face was pale and as worried as he could remember seeing it.  _What is wrong with me?_

He shook himself and tried to remember that he was _Negan_ for Christsake.  He couldn’t be fluttering around like a husband waiting on the birth of his first kid.  He had to get his shit together.  Yet the thought of leaving Carl’s side seemed to short circuit his brain at the moment. 

 _Okay, first things first,_ he needed to get his council together and get the reports for how the raids had gone at the other compounds for the night.  Luckily the new facility was short on space and they had been meeting in his room as an impromptu office that afternoon.  They’d held a war council here before going out to wreak revenge upon the upstarts.  So no one would think it strange that he demands they hold their next meeting here as well. That way he could keep up appearances while still keeping an eye on Carl. 

He went back to the kid, and was shocked that in the short time he was in the bathroom, Carl seemed to be twice as pale and completely catatonic.  He removed the stupid hat Carl seemed to go nowhere without and laid it on the nightstand next to the bed.  His skin was chalky white with grey circles under his good eye.  The area around his nose and lips were shades of bright pink.  His hair was pasted to his head from sweat.   Negan slowly brushed it out of the kid’s face and used the damp cloth to wipe gently across his skin.

Carl moaned but didn’t open his eyes.  Negan’s heart clenched in pain.  He continued wiping, moving the cloth down Carl’s throat and noticed for the first time how long it was, and how frail it looked.  He used his fingers to brush Carl’s long hair, away from his neck, across the pillow and realized it was the softest hair he had felt, maybe ever.  None of his wives hair felt like this.  He ran his fingers across Carl’s cheek and forehead.  The kid was burning up.

He had to get him cooled down somehow.  He began to unbutton the shirt the kid was wearing so that he could rub him down with the cool cloth.  He realized once it was open that there was a bandage low on the right side of his torso.  He wasn’t sure when the kid had gotten hurt but by the looks of the puss draining down his side the wound might be infected and needed to be tended to.  Maybe that was why the kid was so sick.  An infection was a dangerous business and them stuck with no doctor made his teeth grind.  _Fucking priest._ He stood angrily and went to the bathroom and to retrieve fresh bandages, alcohol, and a clean towel.

He should wait until the others got back to his room and have someone else clean and dress it, but he couldn’t bear the thought of someone else touching Carl.  He pulled the ruined gauze away and gasped in despair at what he saw.  It wasn’t just a wound, it was a bite.  The kid had been bitten.  No wonder he was sick.  The fever made sense now. 

“Fuck kid.”  Negan whispered under his breath.

He quickly cleaned the wound and put fresh dressing on it.  He didn’t know what he was doing.  The kid was a nuclear bomb waiting to go off and he should end him here and now.  But he couldn’t.  Thoughts of how he regretted not ending his wife flooded through him.  His heart ached to think of a world without Carl.  Now that he knew it would be so, he could admit to himself that this young man meant more to him than anyone he has known since the world changed. 

He could see himself making a life with this young man. He wanted to protect him, to keep him safe, to see what could develop between them.  He cared for him more than he had for any of his wives.  There was something about knowing that Carl was dying that allowed him to be honest with himself, for the first time since meeting this kid, seeing his bravery every time he had encountered him just twisted him up inside.

The memories flooded through him of how the kid had sung to him and wouldn’t bow in the face of Negan’s threats.  How his lip had quivered when he spoke of having to kill his mom.  How his face had flushed when Negan had told him his ruined eye made him a badass and not to hide it.

This kid could be the death of him, literally, if he allowed him to die and turn while near the Saviors.  And yet… he couldn’t bring himself to do what he knew needed doing.

He got rid of the nasty used bandage and pulled the kid’s shirt back together and buttoned him up.  He placed the initial wet rag on his forehead to try to cool him off and stalked to the open doorway.

His voice bellowed down the hall as he yelled “Where the fuck is everyone with those supplies?”

Three separate Saviors came running down the hallway, arms full of meds and fluid bags.

Amy was the first through the door and now he could remember that she had spent the most time with the Doc helping out.  If his memory served correctly she had been an EMT before the world was reborn into chaos. 

“Get in here and get the boy hooked up to fluids.  Get some antivirals into him as well.” His voice gruff from anger and grief.

“Shouldn’t we save this stuff for our people?”  She asked in confusion.

“Are you questioning me?”  He turned all his rage at her.

“No Negan, of course not, I’m sorry.”  She wouldn’t meet his eyes and just went to work trying to get an IV started in Carl’s limp pale arm.

“Do you know what we’re fighting here?”  She asked finally meeting his gaze.

He took just a beat before responding, “I think he must have covered himself in walker guts because his symptoms are mirroring that of the priest from when he did the same thing.”

“We should keep a guard on him then in case he turns.”  She suggested as she worked.

Negan cleared his throat waiting for her to look up at him.

It took a minute but then she realized the meaning of the silence.

He reached over to where Lucille had been leaned against the bedside table, picking her up slowly, making sure Amy was watching every move, and rested the bat on his shoulder once he had the woman’s full attention.

“I’m sorry Amy, I didn’t realize you were now in charge of this here outpost.  Do you have any other orders for me to carry out?”

He tilted his head and looked down at her expectantly, his body thrumming menacingly.

He watched as her hands began to shake.  She swallowed hard. 

“I didn’t mean… I …”  she took a deep breath.  “I’m so sorry, I just wanted to keep you safe.”

He huffed and looked at Carl’s still body.

“Just get back to work.”  He turned his attention to the two men who had brought supplies as well. 

“What are you two waiting on, just put the supplies down and get back to it.” He was even more abrupt than normal. 

“Sorry Negan but we thought you should know that the troops you sent out are starting to report back in and Laura is on her way back here with news.

“Why the fuck is it Laura and not Dwight?  Has something else happened?”  He could feel his shoulders tense.  This night started as a triumphant vengeance in Alexandria and even though he hadn’t captured Rick he had been happy about taking Carl under his wing again.  Then the little fucker had gone and gotten himself bit and now Negan couldn’t even get his head out of his own ass about it.  He was ready for some good news, not more bad.

“From what it sounds she’s almost here and said she would explain when she saw you, she just wanted to make sure you knew she has news.”

Negan was tired of these two.  “Okay just get on with your own assignments but make sure the front guards let Laura know where I am when she gets here.  Have her and Simon and Gavin all report in to me here when they check in.”

He turned his back on them and went to find a chair to pull up next to the bed to keep watch on Carl when Amy finished her ministrations. 

By the time he got the area lined up the way he wanted she was done. 

She looked up at him in trepidation from her earlier missteps.  When he nodded his head for her to continue she reported “I started an IV to get his fluids up and keep him from getting dehydrated.  I gave him a shot to fight the fever and one to counteract any infection if that is what this is.  We only had a few anti-inflammatory meds left but I hooked a bag up to him as well.”

She looked at the chair by the bed.  “Do you want me to stay with him?”

“No I want you to go set up the infirmary.  You’re in charge of that since the Doc is missing.  I want everything organized and ready for anything else that might come from this clusterfuck of a night.”

“Right away Negan.”  She lowered her eyes as she stood up to leave.

“Now see, was that so hard?  It’s like everyone has lost their damned minds all of a sudden.”  He realized he was exhausted.

“Have someone bring me some food.”  He added as an afterthought.

She nodded and ducked out of the door.

The Saviors must have spread the word of his foul mood so the food came almost immediately.

He looked at the food and couldn’t bring himself to eat.  It felt like there was a load of charcoal briquettes burning away in his stomach.

He looked down at Carl as he sat next to him.

He moved the damp cloth off his head and picked up a dry one.

He began to pat Carl’s brow and neck.

“What am I gonna do with you, kid?”  He began combing his fingers through Carl’s long locks again almost absently as he watched the kid’s one good eye move under his lid as if he were dreaming.

Negan picked up Carl’s right hand where it lay slumped by his side.  He held it between both of his own.  He noticed how much smaller it was.  The kid wasn’t even finished growing yet.  How could he have had such illicit thoughts about the boy?

He looked down at his face and realized it was almost angelic in nature.  His lips were pale pink and partially open.   The redness that had surrounded his mouth and nose earlier had mostly faded.

He heard commotion out in the hallway and tenderly placed the kid’s hand back down on the bed and stood up to see what was happening.

Laura stormed in unceremoniously.  He could see fury on her face.

Before he could ask any questions she spit out, “It was Dwight, the traitor was Dwight all along!”  She stood huffing angrily once her news was out.

He picked up Lucile and hit it against the doorframe so hard that the frame splintered.  He put her down next to the bed, it would be just the cap on this shitstorm of a night if he messed around and damaged Lucille before he could split Rick’s head open with it.

His teeth were gritted so tight he doubted Laura would have been able to hear his next words if the noise from his outburst hadn’t quieted the entire place.

“Where is Dwight now?”

“With some of the mutineers as far as I can guess.  He led us right into an ambush and I barely got away.”

Negan wanted to destroy everything in sight, just rip the world apart with his bare hands.  Instead he held himself together.

“Go see if you can raise Simon or Gavin on the radio.  Find out how they fared with their assignments.  Hopefully better than you did.”

He could see that she thought his statement wasn’t reasonable given that they had all been fooled by Dwight.  But unlike Amy, Laura knew her place without a shadow of a doubt, and wasn’t foolish enough to question him, especially when he had just been so disappointed.

She turned on her heel and left to follow his orders.  But before she got out of his sight one of Gavin’s crew came careening down the hallway past her, causing her to reverse her trajectory and follow in his wake.  He was wobbling back and forth awkwardly and it was obvious he had been beaten and bloodied. 

“Son of a bitch!”  Negan wanted to kill the fool before he could report whatever the hell had happened to him.  He couldn’t believe this conundrum of fuckery that used to be his well oiled machine.  His head was aching from the anger he was trying to contain within it, that had no release in sight.

“Gavin’s dead.  I barely got away.  I don’t know what happened.  We had invaded the Kingdom but that bastard Ezekiel tricked us and got all his people out.  We captured him and were waiting, while all the weapons and supplies were gathered up, but then no one was answering Gavin on the walkie.  Then it was like the world exploded.  There were shots coming from everywhere all at once and we were massacred.  Gavin got away and I was left for dead but snuck around to try to find Gavin so we could come back here, but then they killed him too.  It was all I could do to get back here.”  He finally stopped for a breath and looked at Negan, hoping to be dismissed so he could seek out the doc and get his wounds tended to.

He had no way of knowing how poorly the night had gone in every other way, but he didn’t need to worry about anything for long.  Negan reached down slowly, to where he had tied Carl’s gun to his own left leg, and before the useless man even had a chance to truly catch his breath, Negan shot him through the head.

The sound ricochet all through the bunker and silence fell like a blanket.  Then all hell broke loose.  Saviors crowded the halls trying to get to Negan to make sure he was safe.  Laura yelled at them in frustration to go back to their posts.  And then thought better of it and barked an order for the useless man puddled at her feet to be taken out and disposed of.

She looked to her leader, trying to make her face as blank as possible.  A full minute passed before he put the gun back in the holster and sighed.  “Find out what’s going on at Hilltop. If something has gone wrong I don’t want to know.  In fact if something went right I don’t want to know.  I need some rest before I face anymore bullshit from any of you tonight.  Unless this fucking place is invaded and set on fire, make sure I’m not disturbed until morning.  Do you understand me?” 

She nodded solemnly.  

“If I am disturbed for anything less than potential utter annihilation I will hold you personally responsible.”  He said it slowly, as if she were a child.

It burned her up that she was being treated this way, but as she looked at the fresh shiny blood splattering her shoes and covering the floor all she said was “Yes Negan.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the kudos and comments. You guys overwhelm me with your support. I got some great suggestions and I hope you all like the final chapter which has all the good smutty bits. I hope you are happy with the way I wrap things up. The E rating will definitely be earned in the next chapter so if you don't like that kind of thing, maybe you should stop here. (But really if you don't like that kind of thing, you shouldn't be reading anything I write because I can't seem to write anything without some form of smut :) )


	3. Beyond What Either Expected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl convinces them both to have what they want before it is too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pay attention to the new tags. I hope it lives up to your expectations of the E rating. And I hope you all enjoy how I wrapped things.
> 
> As always this chapter is unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own. Please inform me of any you find so I can make this better for everyone. 
> 
> I was kind of in a hurry to get this out and done. My heart couldn't take it anymore so there may be lots of errors and if so, I apologize.

He closed the door and had to put his shoulder into it because of the wrecked doorframe.  He locked it to keep it closed. At least that was the excuse he told himself.

Now that he was alone and wouldn’t be interrupted he didn’t know what to do.  He wasn’t used to feeling that way.  He took his plate and sat next to the bed.  He watched Carl sleep fitfully as he ate.  He barely tasted the food and it sat like a rock in his stomach once it was finished.

He began brushing Carl’s hair again with his fingers.  He couldn’t seem to keep himself away from the young man’s hair.  He touched his face gently smoothing over his skin, inching closer to the wounded eye that was gruesome but fascinating, hidden under the useless gauze.  Carl’s skin was cooler but he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a sign of impending doom.  The bag of fluids and meds hanging above the bed were both empty so he unhooked them from the IV in Carl’s arm.  He taped over the end with some surgical tape Amy had left on the bedside table next to the bottles of remaining medicine, to keep Carl from ripping it out in his sleep if it turned violently fitful.

He wondered if the kid would even wake up before he had to put him down?  Could he put him down?  He had changed so much since his wife.  He regretted confessing to the priest. 

What was wrong with him?  He made a vow to himself once he took over the Sanctuary.  He would never again question or doubt himself, he would never again regret anything he has done in his life. 

Somehow he felt this was all Carl’s fault.  Ever since the day the kid came to the Sanctuary trying to kill him, he had felt a connection to the little asshole.  He thought of him often when he was alone.  He found himself wondering day to day if the kid ever thought of him in the same way.  He questioned what the kid would think if he knew how many times he had thought of him while he was fucking one of his wives, or how many times he had thought of Carl’s beautiful lips around his dick instead of his wives’ mouths.  He had tried to ignore the attraction.  Tried to deny it.  But now that he knew the kid was not long for this world, what was the point of denying it?

He ran his thumb across Carl’s bottom lip and the boy moaned.  Negan’s dick throbbed.  Carl’s eyes began to flutter and Negan went to pull his hand back but Carl’s hand came up and held it against his face.  His pale blue eye opened and looked at Negan, his captor, his obsession. 

Carl wasn’t sure where he was.  He didn’t know what had happened since being in the truck leaving Alexandria.  He vaguely remembered being pulled from the vehicle and then nothing.  He did know he was dying.  He had no clue how long he had been out.  Wasn’t sure how long he had left.  He was disoriented and couldn’t concentrate on anything but how good it was to have Negan this close, to have his attention fully on him.  And have Negan touching him, in what seemed like real intimacy.  He had been coming to out of a fog for a few minutes and had felt Negan’s ministrations that he perceived as anything but medicinal.

He knew he should be focused on taking Negan out, but all he could do was feel how much it hurt his heart to have Negan this close and be so confused.  He didn’t know why he wanted this man, this monster.  But he was dying and he couldn’t find it in him to care about what anyone else might think. 

His hand felt so good against his skin.  His fingers were rough and callous and made his skin tingle with each touch.  When Negan had rubbed his thumb across his lip, Carl couldn’t stop the moan that escaped.  He had been embarrassed but when he opened his eye and saw want mirrored back at him, his breath caught in his throat. 

He hadn’t dared to believe the man could want him as much as he did in return.  Yet the fact was staring him in the face.  It could be delirium he supposed.  He was dying after all, but he didn’t think it was an illusion made up by his mind.  What did he have to lose?

He turned his head and pulled Negan’s hand closer against his lips.  He breathed in the smell of him.  He was warm and he smelled of leather, wood and something harsh and musky.  It made Carl ache.

Negan let Carl move his hand as he wanted.  He didn’t know what was happening and he could barely breathe from it.  Carl’s lips formed a kiss against his palm.

“Kid, what are you doing?”  His voice was low, almost a whisper.

“I could ask you the same thing, you know.”  Carl’s tone matched his quiet one in return. 

“I’m the one that woke up with you touching me, remember?” There was a mischievous quality to Carl’s voice that given the circumstances Negan couldn’t quite believe was possible.  Carl kept amazing him even on his literal death bed.

“What am I going to do with you Carl?”  Conflicting emotions were writ large across the older man’s face.

Carl realized that it wasn’t just desire he saw there, but pain and sadness.  Could it be that he had found the bite?  His kamikaze idea of using his death to take Negan out was for naught if that were the case.  It did surprise him though that Negan was this close to him if he had found the bite.  He could die at any moment and Negan was crazy to be in this proximity if he knew.  Surely he didn’t. 

“How’d it happen kid?” 

There it was, the sadness was indeed over the bite.  Carl sighed.  “Could I have some water?”

Negan reached for water and also for some more pills. 

“Take these with it.”  Negan turned back to him and handed him water and some medicine.  That is when Carl realized that there was an IV port in his arm.

“Why are your treating me?”  Carl asked confused.

It was Negan’s turn to sigh.  “I didn’t know you were bitten until I had already told my people to hook you up and get meds started.  They don’t know about the bite and I want it to stay that way as long as possible.”

“Why?”  Carl didn’t understand what was going on.  Negan was the most ruthless monster he had ever encountered but he was being kind to Carl.

When he stopped to think about it though, Negan had always been kinder to Carl than anyone else Carl had seen him interact with.

His heart was pounding hard and he didn’t think it had anything to do with the poison of the bite running through his body.  He tried to sit up a little and propped himself up against the headboard.

“Jesus! Carl, you are a pain in my ass with all these questions.”  Negan was stalling.  He didn’t know what to say to the kid.  He had just been found fondling the kid while he was passed out.  Granted it was just his face but still.  The kid had then surprised him by kissing his hand.  What the fuck was that about?

“You could just kill me and get it over with.”  Carl huffed.

“So that was what the talk about sacrificing yourself was all about.  You knew you were dying anyway and you wanted to make it count.”  Negan would never get over the kid’s bravery and intelligence, especially for someone so young.

Carl swallowed hard.  To hear him say aloud that he was dying.  That made it somehow more real.  But as he watched Negan, there wasn’t pity in his eyes.  Sadness yes, but not pity.  Negan had never treated Carl as a child, not the way any of the others did. 

_To hell with it._

Carl reached up and touched Negan’s face.  His grizzled salt and pepper beard was softer than it looked.  Negan froze.  His heart pounded hard against his chest, like a captured bird beating against a cage.

He watched Carl’s face as he touched him.  His expression was curious and gentle, yet there was a determination there, like he was on a mission.

Carl swallowed hard again.  He had never touched anyone like this.  He had kissed Enid, but his feelings for her never felt like this.  His body felt like it was on fire, but not in the way the bite fever felt.  This was like every pore in his body ached for Negan. 

He ran his hand down Negan’s throat and he could feel his Adam’s apple bob against his fingers when Negan swallowed.

“What are you doing kid?”  It was barely a whisper.

“Whatever I want.  Like you said, I’m dying anyway so I might as well do what I want, and I want to touch you.”  Carl took a breath, “And I want you to touch me.”

“Jesus Christ!  You are an asshole!” Negan’s body shook.  “You wait til you’re dying to do this?”

Carl huffed again, but this time it was in laughter, which hurt his side and made the bite pull, but he couldn’t be bothered to care.

“When exactly should I have marched up to the Sanctuary and said ‘Mr. Negan sir, do you think you might want to take time out of being a jackass to everyone and spend some quality time hooking up with me?”

A surprised laugh left Negan before he could stop himself.  It felt bittersweet.  This kid was a miracle.  And he was dying.  He was so angry he wanted to burn this bunker to the ground and them with it, if it would just stop this night from hurting him so badly. 

But the kid was still touching him.  Caressing his throat and back up to his face. 

“You know I could turn any moment.”  Carl throat hurt and closed up at the truth of it.  He continued with determination. “Why are you here like this, and not bashing my head in as we speak?” 

“I don’t know kid.” Negan watched in awe as Carl continued to touch the man that everyone in four districts was scared shitless of.

“But if you keep touching me like that, I don’t think I can stop myself from doing something in return.”  His voice was husky.  Negan wasn’t sure if it was desire, fear, or sadness that made it so, but he decided it was probably all of the above.

“Don’t stop yourself.”  Carl couldn’t help the tremor in his voice.  He wasn’t quite sure what he was asking for, but he knew this was his last night on earth and he desperately wanted anything this man would give him. 

“Carl, you’re just a kid.”  Negan knew it was a low blow but he didn’t want to hurt the lost soul lying in front of him.  Everyone thought of him as a monster, but he didn’t take advantage of kids.  Until now, he had never even been attracted to a male, and he couldn’t believe that he was even considering anything with this young man.

“I know you don’t see me that way.”  Carl’s chin jutted out in defiance. 

“If you truly did, you wouldn’t be here, touching me, letting me touch you.” He struggled to sit up higher against the pillows. 

“Carl, you’re sick.  You need to rest.”  Negan’s attempt sounded weak even to his ears.

Carl frowned up at him.

He rubbed his thumb across Negan’s lip, mirroring what he had been doing when Carl regained consciousness.  A gasp was pulled from the older man in response.

“Resting won’t make me better and you know it.”  Carl didn’t know where the courage came from.  But he truly felt he had nothing left to lose.  His plans had all failed, and in this moment he didn’t want to turn and kill Negan.  Whatever had been in the IV must be working, or maybe the pills, because he was feeling better.  Maybe it was just the relief from finally touching the man he had wanted for so long, and realizing that he seemed to want him just as badly in return.

Negan’s hand was brushing through his hair softly.  Carl reached up and took it again.  Brought it to his own lips, and reached his tongue out shyly and licked Negan’s first finger just across the pad.  It pulled a growl out of Negan and before Carl knew what was happening, Negan’s fingers were replaced by his lips.

Carl’s whole body seized in response.  He had felt weak and trembling from the poison working through his body only moments before, but now he felt so good he could fly.  It had to be the adrenaline pumping through his veins but he couldn’t seem to care why.  He just grabbed hold of Negan and pulled him harder into the kiss.  It was like the older man’s lips and tongue were giving him life.  He couldn’t keep up his part of the kiss very well, panting in between each movement of his own tongue, but Negan didn’t seem to mind. 

Negan’s tongue probed Carl’s mouth longingly.  And his arms were gathering Carl’s frail body against his more solid frame.  Carl didn’t know what to do with his hands, but taking off Negan’s jacket seemed like the right move.  He wanted to feel the older man against him.  He wanted to get less clothing between them. 

As soon as Negan realized what Carl was doing he moaned in response.  He stood up and removed his jacket and t-shirt.  Carl gaped.  The man was muscled and strong and his body rippled as he moved.  Carl began taking his own clothes off as quickly as he could.  He didn’t want to take a chance that Negan would change his mind.

Negan stopped moving and just watched the younger man who didn’t quit until he lay completely naked before him.  The vision of the young man’s cock hard and leaking where it lay against his pale stomach caused him to feel he had been punched in the gut.  But the sight of the bandage and what it meant made Negan’s blood run cold.  He could quite literally die from what he was about to do.  And as crazy as it sounded he couldn’t find it in him to care.  Desire had taken over and he was so hard he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this much for anyone, if he was being honest, he wasn’t sure he ever had.

Carl looked up at him where he had frozen in place.  He batted his eyelashes slowly watching him, trying to figure out if he had already changed his mind.  He met Negan’s eyes and licked his lips nervously.  He felt more vulnerable than he had ever in his life and yet he was so desperate for the man, he couldn’t stop now.

“Please, Negan, I want this.”  His breath hitched, “I want you.”

It broke the last of Negan’s resolve and he had his pants off, throwing the gun to the side, before Carl had taken another breath.  He was on the bed and on top of the younger man in an instant and as his dick made contact with Carl’s they both groaned in pleasure. 

Negan’s mouth found Carl’s again and he opened for him immediately.  Their tongues searched and pulled at each other, making both of their dicks throb in response.  Negan left Carl’s mouth to lick and suck across his chin to his jaw.  The small amount of stubble felt as soft as his hair had under his fingers.  He made his way to Carl’s throat and began to suck in earnest.  Carl was panting and pulling hard against Negan’s body with his hands and then he rapped his long thin legs around Negan’s hips and bucked up into him with his groin.

Negan growled against Carl’s neck sending shivers up his spine.  He felt that Negan was dangerous, maybe the most dangerous man he’s ever known, yet he could tell he was trying to be gentle with Carl.  It hurt his heart to know that this man, this vicious monster, was being careful with him.  It twisted him up inside, infuriating him but also making him feel loved in a way that nothing had in a long time.

He put his lips to Negan’s ear and whispered “Please Negan, I don’t know how much longer I have and I want you to fuck me before it’s too late.”

“Uh… kid…” Negan put his forehead against Carl’s clavicle and tried to catch his breath for a beat.  “If you keep saying things like that I am going to blow my wad before I ever get inside of you.”

Carl blushed.  Negan pulled back and watched as the kid who had just made that audacious statement actually fucking blushed and it spread beautifully from his cheeks, down his neck, to flush across his pale chest.  He couldn’t believe the perfection of the creature underneath him. 

Carl’s eye found Negan’s and he put all the bravado that he could muster into saying, “Then I guess you better hurry up!”  It came out harsh and hoarse and made Negan’s leaking cock pulse where it was caught between their bodies.

Negan bent slowly and kissed Carl softly.  “I’ll be right back.”

Before Carl had a chance to worry, he was as good as his word.  He had run out of Carl’s sight towards the back of the room and was back in a flash with a small bottle in his hand.  “Gotta work you open so I don’t hurt you.”

Carl’s mind went fuzzy with the realization of what he meant.  He swallowed hard.  In all his fantasies, he would usually come before actually thinking about Negan fucking him.  He usually never made it past the thought about going down on the older man, or having Negan jerk him off.  His stomach quivered at the thought of what was actually about to happen but then Negan was kissing him again and he barely registered the sound of a cap being opened and a liquid squeezing sound. 

Carl wrapped his legs back around Negan’s hips and Negan’s husky voice whispered in his ear, “You’re being so good for me, getting in just the right position without me having to ask.” 

Carl blushed again and would have tried for a snarky comment but then Negan pulled his own hips back far enough to manage to get his arm between them and then his slicked finger was at Carl’s hole and all thoughts left him. 

It felt intrusive and scary and then, _oh God_ , then it just felt amazing.  Carl’s hips bucked and pushed against Negan in response and the older man chuckled deep in his throat.  “Always surprising me kid.”

Carl’s eye was squeezed shut and he reached behind Negan’s head to pull him down into another passionate kiss as Negan breached him again with a second finger.  It earned a gasp in response which Negan ate from his lips.  He couldn’t control his own thrusts against Negan’s fingers.  He had given his body over to all he was feeling and the desire was guiding every move and pump.

Negan looked down at Carl and marveled at how lost in want the young man was.  His pupil was blown wide in hunger and Negan looked at where the bandage covered his lost socket.  Carl realized what he was looking at and swallowed hard.  He reached up and as Negan pressed a third finger inside of him he ripped the gauze off his eye and smiled as Negan licked his lips. 

“Carl…” Negan groaned at the audacity of the move and at the velvet soft squeeze around his fingers.  With each push inside, Carl was making little “Ugh ugh” sounds, that were ripping straight down Negan’s spine and sending shocks into his weeping cock.  He had to get into the boy now or he truly wouldn’t last at this rate.

Carl searched Negan’s face and saw desperate want mirrored back at him.  “Please, I’m ready.”

He pulled Negan down again to kiss him and suddenly the fingers left him empty.  But in the moment that it took his mind to register what that meant, Negan had the lube lathering up his cock and he had himself lined up.

Carl focused on kissing Negan, trying not to give in to the fear welling up in him.  He didn’t want to clamp down and make it hard for Negan to enter him but he was suddenly scared. 

“Easy Carl,” Negan saying his name soothed through him.  “I’ve got you.”

It was all the comfort Carl needed and they both felt it the minute Carl relaxed.  Negan pressed against his tight rim and with a few careful thrusts he was inside.  The lack of resistance shocked them both. 

An explosion of emotions flooded Carl.  He couldn’t believe this was happening.  He had wanted it for so long, and now he was dying and would never have it again, but he couldn’t think of that.  He had to focus on the fact that he was with Negan, who at that moment began pulling back only to push against him even harder and more insistent this time.  Carl threw his head back against the pillow.  It was so much more than he expected.  The feeling was overwhelming to be so full, the pain of it and his own desire were fighting for dominance, but then Negan’s dick brushed up against Carl’s prostate, which made sparks fly against the inside of his eyelid.

A moan came from deep in Carl’s throat and Negan could hold back no longer.  He began fucking into the younger man in earnest.  Carl’s moans became a consistent background of “oh oh,oh.”  Negan had never felt anything so intense and he knew he wasn’t going to last.  It was too good, and the buildup took too long and if he were being honest, the emotions he felt were driving him towards release almost as much as his want.

Negan reached between them again and took Carl’s dick in his hand for the first time.  Carl’s entire body wracked, his back arching up off the mattress.  Then he was coming.  Carl’s vision whited and he couldn’t think, all he could do was feel his body coming apart.  He was pumping his very soul into Negan’s hand and every thrum was matched by Negan pushing farther into his body than he thought possible.  Then he felt Negan’s chest shudder under where Carl had a death grip on his shoulders, and his hips gave several thrusts that felt different.

Hot cum pumped into him filling him and it brought a sense of being owned, being taken, the fucking had barely prepared him for.  It vanquished him and he could feel his good eye begin to water from the emotion.

Negan collapsed on top of Carl and nuzzled his nose against Carl’s neck.  He felt the wetness there that had fallen from his eye and he pulled back in concern. 

“Did I hurt you kid?”

It took Carl a couple of tries to clear his throat before he could get the words out.  “No, it was better than I dreamed.”  He wrapped his thin arms tighter around Negan’s shoulders.

“I’m just sad cause it’s all I’ve wanted for so long, and I’ve been so mixed up about it because I’m supposed to hate you, and now I have you, and it’s so much, and it just sucks that this is it.  This is all I get and I want more.”  He began to cry uncontrollably.

“I want you.  I want more with you.  I want a life with you, and peace between our groups somehow, and it isn’t ever gonna happen and it’s so fucked up anyway because even if I weren’t dying I couldn’t have it.  The only reason I got to have it now is that I _am_ dying and yet I just want more.  I want you.”  He couldn’t contain the sobs wracking his body. 

“Shh kid.” Negan moved around so he was lying beside Carl.  He wormed his arm under Carl’s head and pulled it up onto his shoulder.  He began carding through Carl’s hair with his fingers. 

“I’ve got ya Carl.”  Negan kissed his forehead.  It was cool to his lips and he had no idea how long he had with the kid but he was going to cherish every second they did have together.  If Carl started suffering, he would use every drop of morphine in the compound to ease his passing.  He woudn’t let this marvel of a human being suffer.  Not one second.

He found himself crying.  He sniffed.  “Dammit Carl.”  Carl looked up into his face in horror, unsure what he had done wrong.

“Now you’ve gone and made me cry too.”

Carl laughed in relief. 

Negan’s deep bass voice groused, “That ain’t acceptable.” The older man’s own laugh rumbled deep in his chest and Carl could feel it on his cheek where he rested his head.

“What would your Saviors think?”  Carl teased.

“Just shut your damned mouth.”  Negan grumbled.  “On second thought, I’ll shut it for you.” 

He took the hand that wasn’t brushing through the kid’s hair and touched his chin.  He moved it up so he could reach Carl’s soft lips with his own, and took both of their breaths away with a fiery kiss.  Coming had evidently not lessened the heat of need for either of them. 

Negan pulled away to catch his breath.  “Shit kid, I’m a mess.”  He took a breath.

“Let’s get cleaned up.” Negan began to pull away.  Carl held on stubbornly.

“This is the only thing that has gone right all damned night and I want it to last, but everything else besides you has gone to hell tonight.  It would be just my luck if my people come in and fuck this up too so I at least want to get your bite covered back up with some clothes, in case they do.” 

Carl looked down at the patch in question.  And then up at Negan with trepidation.

“They would be right to want to kill me you know?”  Carl swallowed around a lump in his throat.

“I know.”  Negan pulled away and stood up.

Carl began pulling the covers up over himself and his body, trying to sit up, as a feeling of intense vulnerability tainted with a feeling of rejection settled over him. 

Negan sat back down next to him.  “Hey, I just want to protect you for as long as I can okay?”

He ran his hand through Carl’s hair.  He couldn’t seem to keep away from it.  He took a second to really look at the young man, realizing the color of his skin had changed.  He had noticed earlier that he had felt cooler, but that had felt ominous at the time.  He didn’t feel cold or clammy, just normal.  As if the fever had faded and left a healthy temperature in its wake. His skin was just the beautiful ivory of Carl’s usual alabaster, not the ashy grey it had turned earlier.  The dark circles were no longer visible under his good eye.

“Carl…” Negan began but he wasn’t sure how to finish what he was going to say.  No one survived a bite.  It was unheard of.  His need for a future with this nymph of a young man was getting his imagination all stirred up in overdrive.

He shook his head.  Trying to clear out the fog left from orgasm and the intensity of what they had just shared.  He needed to think rationally.  He didn’t want to say the wrong thing and get the boy’s hopes up for nothing.

He cleared his throat, nervous butterflies dancing in his stomach.

“How are you feeling?” His voice was barely louder than a whisper.  Which in and of itself threw Carl.

Carl had never seen Negan look so lost and full of hope all at the same time.  He had no idea what was going through the man’s head.  His own feelings of disappointment that had lashed around him at Negan mentioning the Saviors, and the harsh reality that killed the high he had had from their pairing faded into the background. 

He took stock of his own body.  His side itched and pulled but didn’t feel like it was weeping as it had earlier.  He looked down at the bandage realizing for the first time that Negan must have changed it earlier.  He reached for it and pulled it off, his skin stretching with the pull from the tape not wanting to give way.

Negan stared in awe.  It had only been a couple of hours since he had first seen the wound but it looked like it was days older.  A scab had begun to form over the individual teeth marks where earlier they were raw and runny.  The area around the bite no longer looked angry, but seemed like a faded bruise of green and yellow.

Carl stared into Negan’s eyes, looking for confirmation of what his own eye was telling him about the damaged area.

“How do you feel Carl?”  Negan’s usual commanding voice sounded almost panicked with the question.  His eyes darted back and forth from the bite to Carl’s good eye and back again.

“Uh, hmm…” Carl didn’t know what to say.  How did he feel?  Tired, his ass was sore from the pounding earlier, sitting up didn’t seem all that smart at the moment, and his stomach rumbled.  He was hungry.  For the first time since the bite had happened, he was actually hungry.  But his body felt good, almost like it was glowing in the aftermath of the endorphins from coming. 

In spite of the emotional outburst afterwards, he was still flying high.  But he didn’t feel sick.  No shaking, no jittery feeling like he had had earlier in the truck.  And he knew he didn’t have a fever, he could just tell.  He swallowed around the lump that had appeared suddenly in his throat.

Before he could answer the man, Negan could contain his excitement no longer.  He grabbed Carl by the shoulders and shook him, a little less gently than he meant to, and all but screamed, “Holy shit kid, are you getting better somehow?” 

He didn’t give Carl even a second to respond before finishing wryly.  “I suppose if anyone was going to be immune to this shit, it’d be you.  You are one remarkable little asshole you know that!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is definitely my head canon. I didn't mean for the end to seem like a "Lady or the Tiger" situation if it felt that way at all. He is definitely immune. In my head canon both Rick and Carl are genetically somehow immune which explains how Rick was able to survive in the hospital in such a vulnerable state and also how Carl has survived everything he has already been through.
> 
> I am still so pissed at Scott M. Gimple I can't see straight. There was so much potential with the interactions upcoming between Negan and Carl in the future given what happens in the graphic novels between them. I am so frustrated by his arbitrary murder of Carl. He murdered him, that is all there is to it. And how he blindsided Chandler Riggs was such a betrayal. I am so pissed I could bite through nails if you can't tell.
> 
> But enough of that. I wanted to leave the story open ended so as to let there be a mystery of how in the world they will deal with the aftermath of their fucking when Carl does indeed survive. How will they make Carl's vision of the happy future where they all work together without his death causing it? What the hell will Rick do if he finds out, because obviously these two won't be able to keep their hands off each other. And what will the Saviors do??? Who knows? But nothing else matters because in this universe CARL IS ALIVE!!!!
> 
> Thank you all for coming on this ride with me. Thank you for the kudos and the comments. They make the struggle of writing worth every second.
> 
> I hope this helps the pain from canon a little.
> 
> Love to you all <3


End file.
